Turning a year older can be tough. Fortunately, we can lean on friends to offer moral support as we navigate difficult milestones such as birthdays.
Just kidding, of course. Most friends prefer to rub it in, especially if the one turning a year older is a guy. If you’re looking to give a male friend a good ribbing on his birthday, we have just the list for you. In fact, we have more funny wording ideas than he can shake his elderly fist at.
- Happy Birthday to a relic from a bygone era.
- Happy Birthday, old fart. There’s just one thing I want to know. What did they put on top of your birthday cake before the invention of fire?
- I heard you were middle-aged… as in, born in the Middle Ages. Happy Birthday, ye olde farte.
- Happy Birthday, old guy! I’d tease you about your age, but I’m afraid you might hit me with your cane.
Related: Our Big List of Funny Birthday Wishes
- Relax, old man. You survived disco. You can survive another birthday.
- Happy Birthday, old fart. What’s that, you couldn’t hear me? HAPPY BIRTHDAY, OLD FART!
- Happy Birthday to an old friend. Emphasis on the word “old.”
- Everything gets harder when you get older… except for your thingie, of course. Happy Birthday, you old softy.
- Hope you have a great birthday, oldster. I’d give you pinch to grow an inch, but frankly your dusty old mummy flesh creeps me out.
- Happy Birthday to someone who deserves to be treasured. After all, fossils of your era are hard to find.
- Welcome to the curmudgeonly years, you crusty old bastard you.
- Happy Birthday to a guy who looks young for his age. Of course, your age is really getting up there, so I’m not sure that’s much of a compliment.
- Better to be an old fart than a dumb ass. Happy Birthday!
- I’d wish you an exciting birthday, but I’m not sure that’s a good idea for a man your age. So have a nice, relaxing, senior-friendly birthday.
- Happy Birthday, you old goat. I was thinking about getting you something age-appropriate for your birthday, but I can’t find any stores that sell monocles or top hats.
- Hey old man, hope you have a great birthday full of all your favorite activities… like feeding ducks at the park, playing bingo, watching the weather channel, and shaking your fist at teenagers.
- Happy Birthday to a guy who still turns heads wherever he goes. After all, it’s not often you see someone as old as you walking around.
- I was going to make fun of you on your birthday. Fortunately for you, I was taught to respect my elders.
- Congrats on another trip around the sun! That said, I’m afraid your odometer is just about maxed out.
- Happy Birthday, old man. I hope you have the fire department on standby when you light those birthday candles.
- Birthdays suck when you’re old, but at least you don’t have too many more to go.
- Happy Birthday, old man. Hope you have an exciting birthday celebration… followed by a nice, long nap.
- Happy Birthday, old fart. Hope your birthday doesn’t stink.
- You know how guys get better looking with age? Yeah, that doesn’t last forever. Happy Birthday, you sexy old bastard.
- Happy Birthday, old man. Now might be a good time to stop acting your age.
Related: 50th Birthday Wishes
- They say that with age comes wisdom. You must be the exception that proves the rule. Happy Birthday to an exceptional old guy.
- Happy Birthday, old dude. If anyone tries to give you a spanking, be sure to tell them how brittle your bones are.
- You’re so old, you went to grade school with Cthulhu. Happy Birthday, Old One.
- Congratulations! After years of seasoning, you’re officially a salty old bastard.
- Your birthday is one of my favorite days of the year. It reminds me that you will always be older than me.
- Happy Birthday! I have to say you don’t look a day past Ancient.
- They say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. That’s because old dogs already know all the tricks. Happy Birthday, dawg.
- Congratulations. You’ve reached the age when people ironically refer to you as “young man.”
- You’re at an age where you no longer give a sh*t. Heck, at your age, you’re happy when you can take a sh*t.
- You know what an old fart is? It’s when you say you’re 35 and it doesn’t pass the smell test.
Hope you enjoyed these birthday wishes for old farts. Just remember that what comes around, goes around. You can expect similarly harsh treatment when your own birthday arrives.
Mat Jobe
Mat Jobe has written for print and online publications for over 25 years. You can read more about him on his Author Bio Page.
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